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Showing posts from April, 2010

Philadelphia Phillies: Band-Aids®, Boo-Boos, and Uh-Ohs

This morning I chased a rogue eyebrow hair for 46 tries. Then I opened the patio door and threw my cheap tweezers as far into the woods as I could. Now I know why people pay $10 for a pair of tweezers. Nothing is more frustrating than something getting the best of you.Ask little Davey Herndon.Herndon was stellar from the bullpen this season until that fateful April 16th against the Marlins. His 96 mph sinker was hit on the ground—just like it was supposed to be—except that day they hit ‘em where nobody was: five times in less than an inning. The misfortune earned him his first ERA of the season: 7.71.Then he got it together for a few outings until the strike zone mysteriously shrunk in the eighth inning of the 8-6 loss to the Diamondbacks in the final game of the series. That tragic evening gave him his first loss of the season.But his problems aren’t Rich Dubee’s only plight. Cole Hamels continues to “mature,” JC Romero is taking his time defining his post-supplement self, JA Happ le…

The First Non-Annual, Bi-Frequently, Semi-Periodic Philadelphia Phillies Bucket List

As I sit here gazing at my complimentary Phillie of the Month calendar, a problem occurs to me: they’re all fully dressed.
What happened to equal opportunity, women’s liberation, and all the hints I sent last year? My husband buys a subscription to a crappy car magazine and gets a calendar with Marisa Miller scantily clad in a dozen seasonal plunge bras. I spend hundreds on a season ticket package and get a calendar with pictures I can find in my kid’s baseball card collection.
Is there no such thing as equal perversion?
Anyway, that brings me to the part of this blog where I have no segue whatsoever. Actually I could say that brings me to the topic of my article: what I want to see before I die, but that would be faking it—and that’s something my husband says I do well.
Unlike most bucket lists, mine isn’t composed of death-defying acts of irrationality like skydiving. I don’t need to do something daring—I gave birth naturally. I don’t need another adventure to end with, “What the h…

Philadelphia Phillies: Two Steps Forward, One Step Back

When the Phils lose, don’t get down. I’ve found that a really fun way to pass the time is to go to the pet shop, find a big cage of mice, and watch them fight for position on their wheel. Seriously. It’s hysterical. It doesn’t even take mind-altering drugs to enjoy a curious mouse getting damn near decapitated by an ambitious team on a wheel.

But don’t watch if an employee messed up and put one girl in with the guys. Watching a cage full of males with balls bigger than their brains chase an innocent lass about a brothel isn’t for the meek. That’s for Republicans.

Whoa! That comment was way past al dente!

The good news is Kyle Kendrick’s poor start has definitely taken the heat off Cole Hamels. It was disappointing seeing Hamels last only five innings until Kendrick tossed only four.

At least Kendrick didn’t walk the first batter on four pitches like the 2008 World Series MVP. But when Nyjer Morgan stretched the first pitch into a triple, it ignited a Nationals offensive that ended with a …