Philitically Incorrect

My friend, Dave, got this message on his Fitbit: "I hope that was 10,000 steps. If not, you're about to go blind." I wonder if George Jetson got jerked around like that by Rosie. Sometimes a joke is about the right choice of words. That means s ome of you got that and some of you will be dumbfounded until Tuesday. That's okay. Stream a few episodes of The Bachelor  and your brain will again cease to function. So, I broke my toe. This makes the fact that Donald Trump is still President that much more annoying.  And the fact that the Brewers left Milwaukee to show the Phils what a top-tier offense looks like, is as disappointing as a Philly cheesesteak made with real cheese. That shit should come from cows in a can. Like real food. By the way, the Phillies are the worst team leading a division. The NL East also boasts the worst team in baseball. You can count the Marlins' wins on two hands and this includes a whopping 1 of their last 10.  They've become ...

I've been watching the internet for any sign that this is an April Fool's joke.  Three consecutive days of waking up in a euphoric Philly time loop has completely healed the carnage caused by Us. I haven't slept since seeing the trailer. The Phillies lineup, a musical hopscotch of righty, righty, lefty; righty, righty, lefty, is coming together like the chorus line from Newsies. And fans are screen-shotting the National League standings at MLB.com for their profile pics.  Or that's just me. My dog is even happy. She hasn't snapped at anyone in 24 hours. Or maybe that's because we took her to my in-laws where Aunt Lisa fried her a steak.  I wish I was kidding. Even Gabe Kapler was celebrating. I swear I saw him smile.  Then Rhys Hoskins got clipped . He's another broken jaw away from his goal weight. But he'll have to try Weight Watchers until May because as much as Shane Carle wanted him uncomfortable at the plate, I don't think h...

The world is awash with news so I thought I'd take this opportunity to give it a fresh perspective. Or to just get fresh.  Besides, waiting for Opening Day is as excruciating as watching my sister-in-law parallel park.  We'd help her, but it's far more fun standing around yelling, "FORE!" The big news is, four Phils have graced the recent cover of Sports Illustrated:  Phil Hoskins Phil Harper Phil Nola Phil Realmuto If this is the first time in eight years that the organization earned covergirl status, I have some advice: Try getting married. The span between notable events will seem far longer. Or it actually will be. Back in 2011, the Phillies were also all the SI buzz. That's when the Fab Five: Roy Halladay (RIP), Cliff Lee, Cole Hamels and Roy Oswalt were perched atop the stout thighs of Joe Blanton.  That was the year Ruben Amaro, Jr. took the over/under on the  Moneyball  theory and lost . That was the same...