Philitically Incorrect

The world is awash with news so I thought I'd take this opportunity to give it a fresh perspective. Or to just get fresh.  Besides, waiting for Opening Day is as excruciating as watching my sister-in-law parallel park.  We'd help her, but it's far more fun standing around yelling, "FORE!" The big news is, four Phils have graced the recent cover of Sports Illustrated:  Phil Hoskins Phil Harper Phil Nola Phil Realmuto If this is the first time in eight years that the organization earned covergirl status, I have some advice: Try getting married. The span between notable events will seem far longer. Or it actually will be. Back in 2011, the Phillies were also all the SI buzz. That's when the Fab Five: Roy Halladay (RIP), Cliff Lee, Cole Hamels and Roy Oswalt were perched atop the stout thighs of Joe Blanton.  That was the year Ruben Amaro, Jr. took the over/under on the  Moneyball  theory and lost . That was the same...

Weeks ago, when there was a rumor connecting Bryce Harper to the Phillies,  I had one  thought: I wish there was a rumor connecting me to Bryce Harper. One that didn't end in a lengthy court case.  Hope springs eternal Since then, the 330 Million Dollar Man caught heat from the Angels for publicly "recruiting" Mike Trout.  The whining was heard 'round the world. The Angels threw out a strong term for what he did: "tampering." I've been accused of that. If that's what you call it. And to take the heat off my new top pinup, in this post, I hope to make it vividly clear, this might not end well. To make sure I effectively shield Harp from scorn, I've even drawn from past posts. This will emphasize a few points: You should take a spin through my archives and, just like Lady Gaga, I was born this way. As Richard Branson says, "Be a disruptor." In a 1000 words or less, that's something he'll soon regret.  Caution: Spe...

At the tender age of two, my son pushed a Hot Wheels car into the VCR slot. And it fit. Little did I know, this is the same type of infantile curiosity that would birth an app called Tinder. On that note, I saw a report about the spread of super gonorrhea. This was enlightening to me because I figured out that all this time I've been spelling my password wrong. Judging from the slow spread of disease, things are not going well. In the four years since my last post, the Phillies have failed to break 500 and following suit, things have gone from bad to worse: Kim Kardashian's behind got even bigger. Her derrière will go down in history as the Crown Jewel of Butts. And our country has the dubious honor of putting her there. Well done 'Merica. The Voice  started season 16 after only 8 years on TV. Instead of measuring accelerated time in dog years, we'll start calling them Voice years. Oddly, Blake Shelton has been so pickled through it all, he hasn't aged a ...